It has come to the point in my life where it’s difficult to describe how I feel. At this very moment, I’m sitting on a comfy green rolly chair (They’re all comfy green and rolly) in my university library waiting for one of my most favourite people in the whole wide world (who happens to be my other housemate, Fed, yes, I really do love my housemates)to finish her reading and note taking because I finished earlier than expected and we’re going to walk home together and make each other laugh whilst we stumble our way up the dimly lit paths towards home.
I had an exam yesterday and an exam in two days time. And the one that I’ve taken went, what I feel, well, and I’m feeling ready for the next but not so ready that I want to take it immediately. I want to sleep first.
I’ve decided that even though I’m not really doing any work towards my degree or any time I’m not doing what maybe I should be doing, I’m not going to call it ‘procrastination’ any more because whatever I’m doing is beneficially to me somehow. Like now, where I’m both trying to amuse myself and reflect on what has happened recently. I’d say, I’m using my time quite wisely.
As a follow up of my previous post, I think I’ve come up with a logical sort of reason as to why I cried in that day of Church. Not that God will ever be described as ‘logical’ but at least I can relate to it properly for now.
For me it seemed like an accumulation of things that I’ve not been able to express in words. Number one, the top boom, I think was because I’m missing someone so dearly and that I couldn’t and still can’t express it properly. I can’t remember the last time I missed someone so much and I can’t really tell anyone because I don’t think they’d quite understand or be interested. But she’s coming back on Monday so I’m super excited. I can’t wait to see her, I’m practically jumping for joy for her return and I pray that she gets back safe and sound.
Secondly, the anguish that I felt towards certain people due to certain circumstances that affected the other people that I held dear which all became so frustrating for everyone involved even though no one really said anything about it. My problem wasn’t even that bad. I was angry for the people I loved that really got hurt.
And thirdly, the stress of examinations. The battle against time to learn everything before the big day. The anticipation of the result that could potentially lead to the future of my everything.
Yup, it’s stressful and it still is. But you know what, I was never really in any sort of deep trouble. And I really thank God for that.