It’s been a bit of a turbulent week for me after the high of Valentine’s. I found that I had failed one of my Semester A exams by two marks which wasn’t really the bother of my week strangely. I know that I can retake but I guess I’m just annoyed at myself for that, for being so borderline all the time. I have always found that I get up to the goal but don’t quite make it into the next stage and it frustrates me.
Despite the exam result itself not affecting me as much as I would expect if I had failed, it definitely is having a tow on the way I look at my schedule now. Am I managing my time as I should? Evidently not because I failed an exam but I don’t quite know how to describe my my use of time. I can’t tell if I’m wasting it or using too much for something and too little for something else. As, you my dear readers may know, I’ve recently become a Christian. I attend bible study. I attend fellowship. I attend church. I didn’t do all of those things as a fresher and I didn’t fail an exam then. Am I spending too much time on my faith and too little on my studies? Everything is balance I’m told but I’m not getting it quite right. Once again I feel like I’m just missing the mark and it’s so frustrating.
Today, I attended a different church from my usual because I knew the mass was shorter so I felt I wasn’t losing as much time. But you see, when I went, I felt so bad. Because if I think about it, I’m never losing time when I attend church or anything in relation to Christianity because the time I have with God is not lost time and I’m ashamed to have thought it was. But today, I’m actually really grateful to have gotten the chance to go to a different church because once again I felt like I had been completely forgiven. So much so that it was too much for me again so I started crying. This is the second time now. What an emotional journey, this faith is becoming.
I thought about time a lot today whist daydreaming in my university library (I achieve what I wanted to do today so I’m happy). I thought about how much time I had for things. How little and how a lot. I realize that might be a bit confusing if I phrase it like that so I’ll explain. You see, a lot of people are going to physically walk out of my life soon. A lot of my international friend’s will be graduating this year and a lot going to returning home. I won’t find it easy to see them physically any more so, for that, I believe I only have a little time to spend with those that I adore. But at the same time I have a lot. My whole life ahead of me, all the time I have spent already. That was a lot of time there, you know. A good almost two decades of it so I’m very lucky.
However, one mustn’t fall into the trap where one believes they have all of the time in the world because time isn’t going to wait. It’s going to leave without if you’re not careful. So cherish the time that you have, cherish the time that you’ve had and don’t ever regret something because you lost to time. Make something you want happen, no one will do it for you after all.