I'm still working on this

So long as I have my mind

I’ll have to go it alone, which is too bad because…

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It’s so hard to find people.

You know, the kind of people that you would call ‘my kinda people’, my gang, my friends, chosen family. It’s so hard to make plans that get followed through, someone’s always too lazy, or too broke, or woke up late, or forgot you booked them, or are doing something already, or are too scared to take it to the next step and become a closer friend (I’m not interested in romance right now, I don’t have the time for that).

It’s so hard to find the people that share the same hobbies, or interests or passions that you do. Am I the only one? Surely not? But then I would think that since I can’t comprehend how someone else thinks unless I’m close to them and even then I can’t truly comprehend how their mind works. But still. Am I really the only one? I would say I have a massive range of interests, I’m interested in everything. I love going places, I love reading, I love movies, music (even though I can never remember the names of anyone famous), cookery, bakery, culture, history, how our minds work, animals, taking every possible chance to do something amazing yet there is no one. No one, I can find in this massive university that wants to do all of those things, that has the time or has the time but won’t make the time to actually do them. I get frustrated by people who make the invitations but don’t follow through or cancel for the stupid reasons listed above, you should have considered that before you promised me; not saying that I don’t do on occasion but I have a good reason for it, I’m ill, is usually the one, although, I drug myself up so I’m okay to go out anyway, I have work, but that doesn’t mean I can’t book time off so I can spend time with you doing something fun if we actually plan something so I can make it official in my three schedules, I’m a student so I have to study but my friend, you too are probably a student and you can understand that YET why can I not find a single crazy passionate soul who’s willing to do all those things with me?

I’ve become anti social, it’s my fault, I’ve been looking in the wrong places, where I can’t find what I’m looking for, I set myself up telling my friends that I’m unlikely to be available due to the final year workload but I’ve found that I still have time. I still have time to hang out with you. I still make time to hang out with you. So my friends, how is it that we are so incompatible or do we just keep missing each other that’s causing this pent up frustration is destroying my spirit.

When will I find my people?

God must have intended it this way, that I’m alone for now because perhaps he’s helping me save money so I can follow my ambitions, or that I have to focus on work more now and have fun later, or something this or something that. Am I being ungrateful? But I can’t help but think, I don’t need money for an excuse to meet a friend, to go somewhere, I can walk to where I want to go, and although I am behind at the moment on work (I seem to be working myself into a large hole by trying to defy God now but anyway…) I can catch up, I can get the grade I want, God willing I will. I am determined. So why? Why has my life become robotic? There is no fun, there is no spur of the moment, let’s decide to do this and actually plan it. I had this before, this passion, this spark of joy, but the people it came with have gone and I am left with my spark that doesn’t seem to light the passions of another.

But you know, I don’t have to have people necessarily to enjoy the world, my world of cultural passion and walking everywhere so maybe I’ll just go it alone. I’ll go to that fireworks show tomorrow by myself, and I’ll go and give blood on Wednesday and I’ll go to that cat cafe in London and I’ll go and take that amazing looking cookery course owned by The Raymond Blanc (most amazing chef ever) that I’ve wanted to take since birth and I’ll do everything else that I want to do and if you want to come, then come and find me and I’ll invite you and I would love for your sweet company.

Soap Bubbles


Author: The Pandarine

That scatterbrained twenty something year old that wants to eat everything all time. The one that will stop at nothing to travel the world, the one who's loyalties lie with the people she loves. The one who will never give up on you and the one who radiates so much positivity that you might even find her a bit annoying sometimes.

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